It's so incredibly tempting sometimes. It really is. It was in 1987 before I knew any better. It was in 1998 before I dove into a swimming pool full of thumbtacks. It was in 2000 before they backed into the playoffs in embarrassing fashion. It was in 2003 before Nate friggin Poole (and Mike friggin Tice). It was in 2009 before Favre Favre'd us.
I really want to buy into the "This Could Be The Year!" mentality. It sounds like fun, fans of other teams get to do it all the time. But I've been burned way too often. Wayyyyy too often. I save that mindset like a bottle of especially pricey scotch. You don't just bust it out recklessly. You study the landscape and you pick your spots.
Notice I didn't put 2008 on that list in the first paragraph? We all knew better. I take pride that most Vikings fans realized that was a lame duck team that barely beat anyone all year. The combined record of the teams they beat were something like 69-91. Their best win was on a last second field goal to beat the 12-4 Giants who were resting their starters. There was zero reason to put any faith in Tarvaris Jackson or Brad Childress.
This led to the outcry against Vikings fans for failing to sell out a playoff game against the Eagles at the Metrodome. The tickets might as well have said, "Come get kicked in the balls as the Vikings get predictably embarrassed on national TV! AGAIN!" Sure enough, that's what happened, and I can't say I blame anyone for not showing up.
Vikings fans are smart like that. We're like my dog Clyde, who loves being outside on a walk more than anything in the world. But if it's too cold, you can open the door right in front of him, and he'll look at you like, "How dumb do you think I am? I'm not going out in that."
The door is being opened again for Vikings fans, and it's pretty damn cold, again. But...
They can rush the passer. They can tackle. They have legit players in the secondary. They have a guy named Harrison Smith at safety who beats the shit out of people, who's the best they've had since Robert friggin Griffith in the 90s.
Special teams are as good as they've been in decades. They have a guy who makes 50+ yard field goals like he's playing Pop-a-Shot with his feet. They even have a competent, reliable punt returner.
They have a steady head coach who knows exactly what to do in any given situation. They don't friviously waste time outs or challenges. They don't have a lot of stupid penalties. In fact, the stupid penalties they have are of the unnecessary roughness ilk that send a message.
They have a fantastic run-blocking offensive line. They have the best left tackle in the NFC and he's a rookie.
And they have Adrian Peterson.
That's a lot of positives, right? Do I dive right in? Do I emotionally invest? Do I eat all that up with a spoon like purple and gold Haagen Daas? Of course not!!!
There's also a guy named Christian Ponder who plays the quarterback position in the National Football League for this Minnesota Vikings football team. (Just try reading that sentence without hearing it in Mark Schlereth's voice.) He makes decisions with the football that remind me of the scene in Naked Gun 2 1/2 where OJ is about to spike a baby like a football. "Wait, wait, WAIT... NOOOOO!!!" He is often painful to watch.
But there was a period of 4 weeks earlier this year when he looked perfectly okay. Not great, not even above average, just okay. That's not unreasonable, right? For him to play okay? To not make catastrophically bad throws? To not suddenly drop the ball on a scramble?
And there's some athletic talent in the receiving core. Jerome Simpson could maybe flip over someone. Kyle Rudolph has good hands. Devin Aromashodu is kinda fast sometimes. Jarius Wright is good for like one swing pass. Michael Jenkins is tall. John Carlson is um... there. Is it unreasonable to imagine just ONE of those guys making some kind of difference on Sunday?
The real answer to that is yes. It is unreasonable to ask for that, it's unreasonable to ask for Ponder to play an average game, and it's unreasonable to ask for optimism. We are Vikings fans and this is how it works.
Now it you'll excuse me, I have go to drag my dog out into the sub-zero temperatures...
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
1,700 Words On Two Old Video Games
Look up the opera scene in Final Fantasy VI on
YouTube and you'll find comments like, "One of the most touching
moments in video game history," “Such an iconic scene,” “I had tears in
my eyes,” etcetera etcetera. I have one question for those people: Why?
Here's exactly how this scene comes about -- our heroes need to find a way to get to the Evil Empire. They decide to seek out this rich dude (Setzer) who owns the only airship in the world. They find him at this operahouse wooing some broad named Maria, who's playing the lead that night's show, and plans to kidnap her so they can elope (or something). Some villain conspires to mess things up for some unexplained reason. To protect her, you switch Maria out for Celes, a sorceress in your party to happens to look almost exactly like her. Celes agrees to perform opera accordingly and does so.
It's strange because the opera seems like it should be this big sweeping emotional moment (the music is undeniably fantastic), but it's not at all. The words behind what she's singing have no meaning. She's merely filling a role. She's not singing about anyone but the character in the opera. There's not even any read-between-the-lines meaning anywhere. In fact the entire scene isn't significant in the slightest to the main storyline.
Now, I will give credit where credit is due: this game shows the right way to do quick-time events, particularly here. You fight your way to the villain up in the rafters while the show continues below. While Celes is singing the opera, you have to make sure you select the right lines or you'll get booted out. Also it has to be mentioned again that the music here is fan-freaking-tastic. So at least there's that.
But otherwise, this scene is the perfect demonstration of how impressive this game can be to the point of self-indulgence. The scene is amazing on the surface, the music is as good as it gets, but it doesn't mean anything. It's just there because some developer thought, “Wouldn’t it be CRAZY if we had an opera scene? That’s unheard of!” It’s there for the sake of being there.
And that basically explains the point of the entire game. The story is gigantic – the depth in the narrative makes Chrono Trigger seem like an episode of DuckTales – and would definitely benefit from some editing, a more concise direction and something resembling a main character (Terra and Locke come the closest, but Terra isn’t even playable for a big chunk of the game and Locke is almost useless in battles), but I get the feeling the developers did not give a damn. It’s huge for the sake of being huge. There are many, many playable characters for the sake of having many, many playable characters. And so on.
Another inherent problem with having such a massive story is the minimal amount of effect that you as a player have. The way the game lets the narrative unfold essentially deems the player as nothing more than a gopher. All you’re doing is running your party from one long story sequence to the next (with a few battles in between of course). The game basically encourages you to do this too, by switching up your party as often as possible so you can see every scene. Sometimes it was pretty tiring and frustrating as you’re sitting there reading forever and waiting to actually do something. There’s too much out of the player’s control.
Don’t get me wrong, a huge part of what makes Final Fantasy VI unique is the narrative - there aren’t many other games on the SNES that had me playing for hours just to see what happened next. It has one of the all-time great video game villains in Kefka, who is truly one screwed up character. There are just as many laugh out loud moments (when you meet Gau, random Kefka stuff) as sappy moments (could they lay it on any thicker with Cyan’s backstory?), and some of it works and some of it doesn’t, but it has a very satisfying ending.
The battle system is incredibly detailed featuring all sorts of cool stuff like customizable magic, formations, relics, special abilities (one character has you input sequence of Street-Fighter style commands to execute attacks, another has a weird set of tools to choose from, another steals things, etc), not to mention tons of items and equipment. It’s extremely well done, holds up over time really well and is by far the most enjoyable part of the game. On the surface, it’s the best battle system for any RPG on the SNES.
My only criticism of the battle system is that it isn’t very balanced. The game really encourages you employ all sorts of tactical maneuvering with formations and equipment and whatever, but guys like Sabin, Edgar and Cyan are so powerful you can wipe out any enemy with the same attacks over and over regardless of what else you do. Compare this to Chrono Trigger or the Lufia series where the enemies match your increasing experience and abilities stride for stride, and the battles remain difficult without becoming frustrating. As fun as the battle system is for FF6, I never once felt I was in danger of even coming close to losing. All of the strategy seems like it’s for naught.
[Random aside: I completely understand how someone could become obsessed with this game. There’s an overwhelming amount of special abilities you can obtain for certain characters, there’s collecting all the espers, there’s having each character learn every spell from each esper, plus there’s stuff like the Colosseum, an ingenious idea where you can bet items on battles to win better items that are otherwise unobtainable. The OCD-collector gamer type would be in hog heaven here.]
Ultimately I’ll remember Final Fantasy VI for its wealth of creativity in battles, the incredible soundtrack (second to only Super Castlevania IV on the SNES) and its huge story, but I’ll also remember it all feeling kind of hollow. It’s merely an exhibition in game design, albeit an impressive one.
* * *
Now, the underlying genius of Chrono Trigger is how balanced it is in every aspect of the game. The enemies are never too easy or never too tough or unfair and there’s no need to level-grind at any point. As you level up, gain experience and learn spells, the enemies match your strength. The boss fights are perfectly done - each one feels like an event. Not like Final Fantasy 6 which more often than not seemed to say, “Welp, here’s another boss for ya,” out of nowhere. Magus, Black Tyrano and Lavos in particular are really built up as big deals. I really like in particular how you have to take out Magus’ underlings (Slash, Flea and Ozzie) before you face him.
One of the best things about Chrono Trigger is how it gains momentum the more you play it. By that I mean the fact that not once is there a “Now what do I do?” moment. Even after the game splits off into several different side-quests, it remains very straight-forward telling you what to accomplish. Again, balance is the key word here, balance between linear and open-ended storytelling.
Instead of accumulating just strength and experience points like most RPGs, CT rewards you with combo attacks with your teammates. Some of these are flat out awesome and powerful as hell, like Ice Sword 2, Falcon Arrow, Delta Force and Arc Impulse [or what I refer to as Finnish Flag Attack] while some are laugh out loud funny like Poyozo Dance, which is this spastic nonsensical spell involving a stuffed animal, or Frog Flare, a giant exploding frog which looks like something out of Monty Python. Accumulating these attacks is fun as hell, and it keeps the momentum of the game going.
It also contains one of the most ingenious inventions in gaming, the "New Game +" option. After you finish the game, you can go back in time as often as you'd like with the same stats, gear and weapons and try beating the game from a different point in the timeline. There are 11 different endings you can achieve (most of them are well worth it, especially the one with messages from the development crew - “Get a life!”) which puts the replay value through the roof.
The characters themselves are a strange dynamic group, all distinctly different, some cliched and some not (at least not yet): our silent hero, the runaway princess, the nerdy tech-geek, the robot, the cavewoman, the talking frog and in a neat twist you can play as one of the main villains for a good chunk of the game. Each character has at least a couple laugh-out-loud moments, even the ultra-serious Magus. (“You got whacked cuz you're weak.”)
[Brief aside: one strange bit of trivia about this game - the developers gave the English translators exactly 30 days to translate the entire game. Because they were crunched for time, some of the translators were pretty slack so we ended up with lines like that. They “fixed” that in the DS version by doing a more direct translation and as a result most of the humor was missing.]
One particular aspect I don't think can be overstated is the main villain, Lavos. Rarely in a game, especially in an RPG, does a boss actually come across as invincible. Lavos is like the Terminator: it barely says anything, you can't reason with it, it can't be stopped, it won't be stopped until you are dead and everything is destroyed. And by the way, it lives in the center of the Earth draining its life for all its worth. The final battle music is absolutely perfect and gives me chills to this day, and I've finished this game at least 25 times.
CT was released very late in Super Nintendo's run, allowing programmers to maximize everything the SNES hardware was capable of, and damned if they didn't succeed in doing that. This is about as technically advanced, in terms of overall length, visuals and sound, as any SNES game gets.
Chrono Trigger is truly the total package: It's got a great sense of humor. It's never boring - you never truly know what's going to happen next. There's a crazy amount of depth in both the story and with items/gear. There’s tons of replay value. The music is top notch, with memorable themes created for each major character and for certain events of the game. All those factors add up to this: Chrono Trigger best game the SNES has ever produced.
Here's exactly how this scene comes about -- our heroes need to find a way to get to the Evil Empire. They decide to seek out this rich dude (Setzer) who owns the only airship in the world. They find him at this operahouse wooing some broad named Maria, who's playing the lead that night's show, and plans to kidnap her so they can elope (or something). Some villain conspires to mess things up for some unexplained reason. To protect her, you switch Maria out for Celes, a sorceress in your party to happens to look almost exactly like her. Celes agrees to perform opera accordingly and does so.
It's strange because the opera seems like it should be this big sweeping emotional moment (the music is undeniably fantastic), but it's not at all. The words behind what she's singing have no meaning. She's merely filling a role. She's not singing about anyone but the character in the opera. There's not even any read-between-the-lines meaning anywhere. In fact the entire scene isn't significant in the slightest to the main storyline.
Now, I will give credit where credit is due: this game shows the right way to do quick-time events, particularly here. You fight your way to the villain up in the rafters while the show continues below. While Celes is singing the opera, you have to make sure you select the right lines or you'll get booted out. Also it has to be mentioned again that the music here is fan-freaking-tastic. So at least there's that.
But otherwise, this scene is the perfect demonstration of how impressive this game can be to the point of self-indulgence. The scene is amazing on the surface, the music is as good as it gets, but it doesn't mean anything. It's just there because some developer thought, “Wouldn’t it be CRAZY if we had an opera scene? That’s unheard of!” It’s there for the sake of being there.
And that basically explains the point of the entire game. The story is gigantic – the depth in the narrative makes Chrono Trigger seem like an episode of DuckTales – and would definitely benefit from some editing, a more concise direction and something resembling a main character (Terra and Locke come the closest, but Terra isn’t even playable for a big chunk of the game and Locke is almost useless in battles), but I get the feeling the developers did not give a damn. It’s huge for the sake of being huge. There are many, many playable characters for the sake of having many, many playable characters. And so on.
Another inherent problem with having such a massive story is the minimal amount of effect that you as a player have. The way the game lets the narrative unfold essentially deems the player as nothing more than a gopher. All you’re doing is running your party from one long story sequence to the next (with a few battles in between of course). The game basically encourages you to do this too, by switching up your party as often as possible so you can see every scene. Sometimes it was pretty tiring and frustrating as you’re sitting there reading forever and waiting to actually do something. There’s too much out of the player’s control.
Don’t get me wrong, a huge part of what makes Final Fantasy VI unique is the narrative - there aren’t many other games on the SNES that had me playing for hours just to see what happened next. It has one of the all-time great video game villains in Kefka, who is truly one screwed up character. There are just as many laugh out loud moments (when you meet Gau, random Kefka stuff) as sappy moments (could they lay it on any thicker with Cyan’s backstory?), and some of it works and some of it doesn’t, but it has a very satisfying ending.
The battle system is incredibly detailed featuring all sorts of cool stuff like customizable magic, formations, relics, special abilities (one character has you input sequence of Street-Fighter style commands to execute attacks, another has a weird set of tools to choose from, another steals things, etc), not to mention tons of items and equipment. It’s extremely well done, holds up over time really well and is by far the most enjoyable part of the game. On the surface, it’s the best battle system for any RPG on the SNES.
My only criticism of the battle system is that it isn’t very balanced. The game really encourages you employ all sorts of tactical maneuvering with formations and equipment and whatever, but guys like Sabin, Edgar and Cyan are so powerful you can wipe out any enemy with the same attacks over and over regardless of what else you do. Compare this to Chrono Trigger or the Lufia series where the enemies match your increasing experience and abilities stride for stride, and the battles remain difficult without becoming frustrating. As fun as the battle system is for FF6, I never once felt I was in danger of even coming close to losing. All of the strategy seems like it’s for naught.
[Random aside: I completely understand how someone could become obsessed with this game. There’s an overwhelming amount of special abilities you can obtain for certain characters, there’s collecting all the espers, there’s having each character learn every spell from each esper, plus there’s stuff like the Colosseum, an ingenious idea where you can bet items on battles to win better items that are otherwise unobtainable. The OCD-collector gamer type would be in hog heaven here.]
Ultimately I’ll remember Final Fantasy VI for its wealth of creativity in battles, the incredible soundtrack (second to only Super Castlevania IV on the SNES) and its huge story, but I’ll also remember it all feeling kind of hollow. It’s merely an exhibition in game design, albeit an impressive one.
* * *
Now, the underlying genius of Chrono Trigger is how balanced it is in every aspect of the game. The enemies are never too easy or never too tough or unfair and there’s no need to level-grind at any point. As you level up, gain experience and learn spells, the enemies match your strength. The boss fights are perfectly done - each one feels like an event. Not like Final Fantasy 6 which more often than not seemed to say, “Welp, here’s another boss for ya,” out of nowhere. Magus, Black Tyrano and Lavos in particular are really built up as big deals. I really like in particular how you have to take out Magus’ underlings (Slash, Flea and Ozzie) before you face him.
One of the best things about Chrono Trigger is how it gains momentum the more you play it. By that I mean the fact that not once is there a “Now what do I do?” moment. Even after the game splits off into several different side-quests, it remains very straight-forward telling you what to accomplish. Again, balance is the key word here, balance between linear and open-ended storytelling.
Instead of accumulating just strength and experience points like most RPGs, CT rewards you with combo attacks with your teammates. Some of these are flat out awesome and powerful as hell, like Ice Sword 2, Falcon Arrow, Delta Force and Arc Impulse [or what I refer to as Finnish Flag Attack] while some are laugh out loud funny like Poyozo Dance, which is this spastic nonsensical spell involving a stuffed animal, or Frog Flare, a giant exploding frog which looks like something out of Monty Python. Accumulating these attacks is fun as hell, and it keeps the momentum of the game going.
It also contains one of the most ingenious inventions in gaming, the "New Game +" option. After you finish the game, you can go back in time as often as you'd like with the same stats, gear and weapons and try beating the game from a different point in the timeline. There are 11 different endings you can achieve (most of them are well worth it, especially the one with messages from the development crew - “Get a life!”) which puts the replay value through the roof.
The characters themselves are a strange dynamic group, all distinctly different, some cliched and some not (at least not yet): our silent hero, the runaway princess, the nerdy tech-geek, the robot, the cavewoman, the talking frog and in a neat twist you can play as one of the main villains for a good chunk of the game. Each character has at least a couple laugh-out-loud moments, even the ultra-serious Magus. (“You got whacked cuz you're weak.”)
[Brief aside: one strange bit of trivia about this game - the developers gave the English translators exactly 30 days to translate the entire game. Because they were crunched for time, some of the translators were pretty slack so we ended up with lines like that. They “fixed” that in the DS version by doing a more direct translation and as a result most of the humor was missing.]
One particular aspect I don't think can be overstated is the main villain, Lavos. Rarely in a game, especially in an RPG, does a boss actually come across as invincible. Lavos is like the Terminator: it barely says anything, you can't reason with it, it can't be stopped, it won't be stopped until you are dead and everything is destroyed. And by the way, it lives in the center of the Earth draining its life for all its worth. The final battle music is absolutely perfect and gives me chills to this day, and I've finished this game at least 25 times.
CT was released very late in Super Nintendo's run, allowing programmers to maximize everything the SNES hardware was capable of, and damned if they didn't succeed in doing that. This is about as technically advanced, in terms of overall length, visuals and sound, as any SNES game gets.
Chrono Trigger is truly the total package: It's got a great sense of humor. It's never boring - you never truly know what's going to happen next. There's a crazy amount of depth in both the story and with items/gear. There’s tons of replay value. The music is top notch, with memorable themes created for each major character and for certain events of the game. All those factors add up to this: Chrono Trigger best game the SNES has ever produced.
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