Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Your... 2000(?) Minnesota Vikings!

Every sports fan hates their local newspaper columnists - it's practically written into law. That said, I don't usually hate Tom Powers of the Pioneer Press... when he writes about anything but the Vikings. He turns into Dan Shaughnessy when the Vikings lose and it is annoying as hell.

One of the first lines in Powers' column today for the Pioneer Press is, "To panic or not to panic?" I deeply resent the notion. Panic? Like we're some kind of amateurs?

Vikings fans are trained animals, but we're old dogs, not monkeys. When our owner yells at us, we know whats up - we skulk away and shut the hell up. We don't sit there and whine and bark louder and piss all over the floor.

No panic, just the swift removal of any expectations. We've clearly seen the best and worst of this team this year. Hell, we just saw it all in one game just last night. And I'm not gonna wet my pants like some amateur - spare me, I'm not a Saints fan. This is the Vikings we're talking about.

I don't care about a bye anymore. I still think they beat the Packers at home. If you have any more expectations after that, you get what you deserve. Besides, if you're a football fan and you're NOT rooting for Vikings/Packers Round 3, something is wrong with you. And if they lose, Childress is that closer to being fired. (Sure, whine about the extension he just signed, as if contracts to pro and college coaches' contracts are worth more than the paper they're written on.)

Enough with this panic garbage, we've seen this before. Want an example? This is the same team as the 2000 Vikings. Look at the parallels:

- New quarterback that starts out hot until the rest of the league gets him on film catches up
2000: Daunte Culpepper
2009: Brett Favre

- Fast start when it doesn't matter
2000: 7-0
2009: 6-0

- Shitty coaching bogging down an enormous talent advantage
2000: Denny Green with Moss, Carter, Robert Smith, Randle, Stringer, Birk, etc.
2009: Brad Childress with Peterson, Rice, Harvin, Allen, Williams Wall, etc.

- Worthless on the road
2000: 4-4
2009: 4-4

- Taking a Chipotle-induced diarrhea dump all over the field in December
2000: lost three in a row to end the season, still backed into a 1st round bye and finished 11-5
2009: lost three out of four in December, still may back into a 1st round bye

They have 5 sacks in their last 4 games. Their safeties are not fast and cannot cover anyone. Special teams would give up at least 9 touchdowns to DeSean Jackson. And Reggie Bush for that matter. Most alarmingly, Antoine Winfield is either still not healthy or he is finished as a cornerback. He has zero speed and zero quickness, especially to keep up with the world-renowned wideout Devin Aruon... Aero.... Aromasheedoo? Would it be possible to just keep him in on running plays like they do Pat Williams?

So there it is. Panic? Go Twins!

No comments: