Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Your 2006 Minnesota Vikings!

Are we sure that's not a 1 in front of that 4 on the quarterback's jersey?  That's not Brad Johnson back there?   That wasn't Artose Pinner blowing blitz pickups?  Not Troy Williamson and Travis Taylor running crazy routes?

Wait, Jared Allen is white?  So, that's NOT Erasmus James that's totally invisible out there? Or Kenechi Udeze?  Could've fooled me.

Last night was pulled straight out of the 2006 Minnesota Vikings Greatest Hits Collection.  Where to start, where to start...

The first half was embarrassing.  A completely retarded gameplan - run Peterson to set up "manageable third downs," on which three receivers run 25 yard routes against 5 defensive backs while everyone else trying to protect the 41 year old corpse under center.  You're playing DIRECTLY into the Jets defense's hands doing this.

You know how when people get into their 80s and 90s, they get so senile that its like they revert back to childhood again?  Senile NFL quarterbacks work the same way and need to be handled as such.  We're at the point where Favre needs to be protected like a rookie, especially on the road.  This means: THROW ON FIRST DOWN, when the Jets are most expecting the run and have 4 linebackers on the field.  Short, high percentage completions to set up 2nd and short, when you're free to run any play in the book.  Miami did a fine job of this in the 2nd half against the Jets in Week 3 - Chad Henne threw on 9 out of 11 1st and 10s, and they moved the ball just fine.

The second half shed some joy, at least.  Moss got his deep bomb TD in classic fashion.  Harvin made an A+ catch in the back of the end zone.  But Favre at this point is like a 4 month old tube of toothpaste - you can see its flat, its empty, but its still there in your bathroom cabinet, and you still hope for some gold that might be settled in near the cap.  Sometimes its there, but most times its just an empty tube and you're too damn lazy to go buy more.  So you're stuck with what looks like Brad Johnson and grimy teeth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ripping Brad, I'm pining for the days of #14 right now.  At least he didn't exasperate things with needless, useless, unwarranted drama about pictures of his gray wang and some twiggy shit-for-brains with bolt-ons.  Ugh.  I miss when the Vikings were just another team.  Hear this, though: I do not regret 2009.  I understand the terms of our deal with Satan.  We have to take the good with the bad.  This is just a gigantic version of Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell pouting their way off the 2005 Timberwolves after finally getting KG to the conference finals the year previous.

Part of me really wants the Vikings to totally tank the rest of the year and gun for Stanford's Andrew Luck or Arkansas's Ryan Mallet.  Hey, the shitty 2006 season led to drafting Adrian Peterson.  But then take a look at the rest of the NFC.  Atlanta's the clear #1 right now at 4-1 and playing well, but the 4-1 Bears are very clearly frauds.  Green Bay is banged up.  New Orleans is nowhere close to what they were last year.  The NFC East is a quagmire of wishy-washy teams that can't make up their mind if they're decent or lousy.  The NFC West is like Vietnam after Rambo First Blood Part 2.

And supposed NFC favorites Dallas are also 1-3, who are coming to town next week.  It's not over yet.  After yet another frustrating day, that's the most frustrating part of all.  This shitshow still has a chance.

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