Sorry, a Win is Not Always a Win

The Vikings evidently weren't happy with just taking a big dump in the middle of the field on Sunday. They also went out of their way to prove an ancient cliche completely wrong.

"A win is a win," Jared Allen said after yesterday's cover-your-eyes awful performance yesterday.

Calling yesterday's game against Detroit a win is like winning a tug-of-war against a guy that has muscle dystrophy. And taking 60 long, tough, unbearable minutes to do it. Let's not fool ourselves though - this isn't the first time a win was not just a win.

In Week 5 against New Orleans, the Vikings were privy to four of the luckiest turnovers you'll ever see. A blocked field goal that hops right into Antoine Winfield's hands as he's coming around the edge. A sack which led Drew Brees to practically hand the ball to Winfield. A Reggie Bush fumble that was preceded by an obvious facemask penalty that wasn't called. A ridiculous interception that somehow managed to not hit the ground and land on Ben Leber instead. On top of all that, the Vikings turned the ball over exactly zero times.

The game played out like a bad British comedy sketch.
Saints: "I really don't want this win and I suggest that you take it."
Vikings: "Me?? What am I supposed to do with it?"
Saints: "No, really, I insist."
Vikings: "Now now, lets not be hasty. Let's think this over a bit."
Saints: "No, really, there's not much to think about. I want you to have it. As a gift."
Vikings: "...."
Saints: "...."
Vikings: "....are you sure?"

The writing was on the wall for Childress after the Week 2 disaster against Indy. Despite the win yesterday against Detroit, that writing is now lit up as a neon sign. With arrows pointing at it. The past two weeks have served as blatant as examples of winning despite your head coach that anyone has ever seen since the end of the Mike Tice era.

In the middle of last season, during one of Adrian Peterson's electric performances, I and many other Vikings fans had a "Eureka!" moment - the Vikings were fun to watch again. Before last season, I wrote that I was very worried that the Vikings were so unbearably boring that my apathy would eventually conquer any and all fandom I could muster for them. But last season those fears subsided, because we had our first offensive superstar, our first home run threat since Randy Moss.

Well, Childress must've gotten that memo, because he's even rendered AD almost useless. He's demonstrated that his offensive philosophy is to practice about 8 painstakingly basic plays on offense and hope to "out-execute" the other team. So now we've got AD running the same two off-tackle plays, one after the other. Last I checked, it isn't 1986 anymore. And we're not playing against Bloomington Jefferson. If Childress can't figure that out and can't start playing to the strengths of his personnel, he is finished.

And it couldn't come soon enough, if you ask me. After all, a firing is always a firing.

This is Why I Have a Blog

If I had to guess as to how many people actually read this blog, the number would be in single digits. Less than five. Yet I keep churning out occassional bursts of random crap, once every Tuesday. So what is the point? Why bother?

Sunday was the point. The Vikings are why I bother. I'm writing for ME. I'm writing to cope.

Why does this only happen to the Vikings? Why, no matter the coaches or the personnel, does this kind of kick-in-the-groin shit happen EVERY YEAR with this team? I don't get it. I may never get it. Will there be a payoff to all this eventually? That's so far off that I haven't even come close to developing any sort of capacity to imagine what a payoff would even be, after all these horrendous games. I can rattle off the top of my head a "Ten Worst Losses in Franchise History" list that will rival any other team in sports, and it takes me ten minutes to think of three memorable wins.

Why? WHY?

Why does the D-line get in Peyton's face the entire game, only to completely disappear in the 4th quarter? Why does Adam Vinateri miss that 30 yard chip shot just to tease everyone? Why does Peyton look like mid-90s Dan Marino for three quarters, then somehow reverts to mid-80s Dan Marino in the fourth? Why do they not run screens and swing passes to get AD the ball in the open field? Why is the defense stone cold against the run all day, but the Colts are able to run Dominic Rhodes two and a half yards out on a two point conversion?

Why is Tarvaris Jackson the starting quarterback when Brad Childress clearly doesn't have any confidence in him running a basic pass play that doesn't involve a rollout with three different checkdown receivers that are five yards out? Why doesn't Brad Childress watch tape on his own offense and realize that what he's been trying to do for the past 34 games HASN'T BEEN WORKING? Why couldn't Zygi Wilf let Childress keep on going to Green Bay where the Packers would have eventually hired him? Why did this have to happen in Week 2 and potentially kill the entire season?

Most importantly, why do I continue to sucker myself into this? Should I just get out now? Is that even possible? What are the ethics involved in something like that? Would I be a bad person for giving up on a team? Would that say something about my character? But how ashamed should I be, according to the usual standards of modern society, that a football team effects me this much, mentally and emotionally? How much would I really benefit from giving up on the Vikings?

But then, how much would I really LOSE? It sure as hell doesn't seem like much. But seriously, what's next after this? Am I really supposed to come crawling back next week to watch them play Carolina?

Yeah, I suppose I will. Fucking Vikings.